The Sacred Mezzanine

Windows draft

November 10, 2020 by Scott T, posted in My work

Windows of life windows of infinite opportunity and endless adventure..
Wisdom in my estimation is achieved by knowing and embracing your windows as they appear and going through them.. To the otherside..
The realm of possibility, chance and if you allow it opportunity

The embryo for writing a book has been slowly growing inside my scattered collection of thoughts for a long fucking time.. Always the inadequate feeling that my memories would serve no purpose.. No impact. However ive come to learn this to be untrue. Everyone has a least one book in them, as the saying goes. Well i have lived it feels a thousand lives, adventures and sites that few have seen..
I have danced with death so many god damn times that we’re now close friends… And these experiences have fundamentally changed both my world view and how i interact with people.
Life becomes very sharp and electric when your faced with your own mortality. Memories become burned into your internal workings and stay with you, they have power these events. A strange alluring power to completely shift your mindset and subtlety affect day to day choices

I have been shot at, blown up, i have rode ontop a truck naked and drunk.. Howling at the moon.
Ive been so cold that icicles have formed inside my nose and watched a friend lose his fingers in front of my eyes in – 42 degree temperatures. 1 month before this sad event i nearly died in a white out blizzard and plunged into a frozen fjord a few days later.
I have seen mass graves and children with missing limbs, I have drank and gambled with islamist terrorists, found love in ceasefire, met so called famous dignitaries and ive been in Jail for climbing over a bard wire fences
Taken high grade Acid on a plane bound to Bosnia
Been hunted by wolves, been in hundreds of altercations with the fine police force establishments around the world
Drove my body to the limits of human endurance and attained championship titles. Published poetry, released an album and the most challenging, life rewarding and profound experience of all? becoming a father of 3 amazing children

Dont get me wrong im not a dye in the wool hippy, i am not a peaceful man

I was born in the heady days of punk rock, trade union strikes and racial tension on the rubbish strewn streets of Portsmouth. A working class city dominated by the royal Navy ship yards and Englands military history. Every single person i grew up with had served in the armed force’s.. And this became almost a background soundtrack to my life.. A sweet heart rowsing chorus that took me years to turn the volume down, or maybe i just discovered that singing my own song was more natural?
Life as a young child was as a whole boring. I could never stay out of trouble, never rest and never cease to chase excitement where ever i could find it.

Live now! This echo has reverberated around my mind for nearly half a century, like a repeating dream that leaks into my cortex oh every now and then. Swimming naked, unbound wild and most importantly free!!
Freedom what does that really mean to you? What does this holiest of words.. Seldom understood and almost always abused. Actually represent to your imagination?

July 27, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

Sometimes I feel as if I’m conversing in a hidden language decoded ultimately only by myself. The keys of which I hold in a higher regard than the vainest possibility of striking a chord with a silent ever changing grey audience.

What does this mean? That only I revel in my work?

These words to me hold magnificent weight and beautiful gold laden dream filled horizons. But not it seems to the world as i drift in blue seas of abstract vibration my hand crafting the unknown, destined it seems, to fail…

But I know no other way to paint lyrically what I see inside my love. If I write trend filled weak words gripped by an impending radical left hipster, so called dynamic. Then how do I sleep at night? Words are nothing and everything, impermanence incarnate…

Who am I to hold back the flood gates of inspiration overwhelming my cranium with desires and vistas of lands not yet understood? I won’t, no! Cant compromise to fit this multi-verse neatly within a heart shaped cotton candy filled box so you can literally understand the arcania cascading from my core

So I lay the roadmap clearly and once only, to lead to which ever path of understanding makes sunlight land upon your head. As the clouds part my sincere hope and wish is to unveil the layers hidden deep inside the crysalis of pantheon’s I vainly scratch upon this well worn parchment.
Beauty in words aimed at only elevation and like a old cryptic painting lying forgotten and forlorn, the meaning lost to time…yet inspiring future explorer’s of their subconscious mind-scape. I hope only to conjure your inner divinity to spark alive

The flow

June 7, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

I’m starting to think or believe that my life may depend upon this as if existence itself is nothing without honest pure and courageous expression

The act of baring your insides to the world is nothing less than a savage cannibalistic Instinct. Born from the dark impenetrable equatorial jungles to the holy prairies and the mountains of madness

…

If you think you’ve gone to far….

you haven’t gone far enough….

Stasis the predicament of death, an inability to catch the whirlwind in a vice like grip. The very act of stability an impending disease of the mind corrupting the hopes and dreams of the young so that the vanilla people can thrive and hide in their Crystal castles.

Shake the cage and rattle their false security with rugged wild enthusiasm and unbridled passions. The insecurity that rises from a lack lustre life lived is a challenge on free original thought and an enemy of humankind

Words thoughts and deeds must cut through this dark inert stasis like a hundred folded steel tempered blade. No room for hesitation, pity and guarded reluctance
What’s required here is fire! fire of the heart that drives mankind to climb personal mountain’s of fear and weakness. Seize your own destiny whatever it may be and carve out the path you dictate

For what else truly is there in this life? Anonymity? Servitude? Blessed are the meek? I spit on these feeble excuses…

Legacies are forged by effort and skill. Let your victories be the road less travelled, yet the road your peers and offspring dare to tread inspired by the sheer act of will you impressed on them

Like a lighthouse shining magnificently in a black raging sea of resignation and apathy

SCT

Meditation of a writer

June 2, 2018 by Scott T, posted in Uncategorized

I’m starting to think or believe that my life may depend upon this
As if existence itself is nothing without honest pure and courageous expression

The act of baring your insides to the world is nothing less than a savage cannibalistic Instinct.
Born from the dark impenetrable equatorial jungles to the holy prairies and the mountains of madness

If you think you’ve gone to far….

you haven’t gone far enough

SCT

Sun Halo lakes

June 1, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

Sun spots blotting out the clouds lazy lakes pass the day

Us four buccaneers smoking through reeds swimming

Melancholia of past raves disappear heat drenched haze

Footwear absent psychedelic conversations to shift a score

Musky wisp’s fade into hop laced carbonated green bottles

As Dragonfly’s complete their long transformed ascent to reveal

Armed Tension all time low work stress fluctuations evaporated

Calm before storm always this way lost in heady technicolour days

Violent displays rugged refined to deliver vibrant tribal dancing

Posing no threat languid smiles lost degenerates forgotten youth

Discordant echoes growling Volkswagen petroleum discharges

Duck tailed passing sharing is caring for the doe-eyed lost and weary

Heavy soars the night

May 24, 2018May 24, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

grunge

Long are days and short the sweet nights

Your tomes of soulful restless sweet sonnets

Soothe and caress my often vacuous mind

With mournfully victorious soaring delights

Through turbulent dark delinquent days

I struggled hopelessly with this thing called life

But the voice ever present lifted my being

To reckless bountiful Eagle ascended heights

Cross burdened and crushed heaviness of heaven

Plundering gifts with hopeful reckless abandon

The fire burned deep and hollowed your will

Yet still you sang your great work deliverance of pain

Legacies aren’t born but forged of fire and skill

Heartfelt hymns remain your holiest testament

Banishing heavy hearted darkness to be unveiled

Until clouds disperse we hear melodies pure and strong

One Chance

May 23, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

adamscottmiller1

If the ancient sages forever espoused un-truths to confuse and cloud one’s mind then the harsh reality of existence resolve’s only one course of pure action

One chance to get it right and not dissolve your resolution to an Elysium forever out of reach and beyond the desperate grasp of mankind. This strikingly harsh and real concept leaves room for no flights of fancy r wasteful theories of pre-destination to a heavenly abode

Only the stark realization that the sole responsibility lies solidly on your shoulders and the time has come for you to take control of your minds landscape paint your universe with the palette of self-discovery without the shackles of archaic mundane restrictions

Why dissect and separate life’s experiences into a mandate for self-limitation?

What can be gained by reducing your super sensory perceptions?

Open your mind to the possibility of an ever evolving super state of consciousness of which you are a crucial component, not impartial or less-than but part of the whole. Your body will perish; your memories fade and your mind wither and crumble as the sheer weight of the world crushingly becomes too much to bear the light behind your eyes will ultimately absorb back to the universe.

For all the magnificent leaps in technology and science and medical advancements we are yet to discover sentient intelligence that rivals ours alone. Therefore we are truly the only beings that can conscientiously witness ourselves and the grandest of orchestral movements and hidden knowledge of the universe. his leaves humanity with a stark but bold epiphany …

We are all there is, at least for now we should act as so and stake our claim to personal sovereignty and banish immoral modes of thinking

You only get one chance to make it right….so take it!

Every day you wake you get the chance to reshape and remodel your journey in this existence so why not make it happen?

DMT an Atheists adventure

May 21, 2018May 22, 2018 by Scott T, posted in My work

Changa is a DMT-infused smoking blend. Typically, extracts from DMT-containing plants are combined with a blend of different herbs and ayahuasca vine and/or leaf to create a mix that is 20–50% DMT, akin to a smokeable Ayahuasca

What started as a normal passive day at home soon became an indescribable journey within and without. One year on and I can hardly summon the words to describe what I bore witness to or even remotely fathom the majesty of the experience which literally changed everything for me! Suddenly all is, was and will be possible…

My philosophical and psychological background is built on rational, atheistic and stoic reasoning. Being raised in and then having a subsequent career in the military removes all trace of any residual or society imprinted religious notions that may have once existed in an imaginative child. Experiencing multiple marriage breakdowns and traumatic alcoholic physical abuse before the age of Ten had left me worn thin and bereft of feelings and emotions of which to entertain established religions.

Instead of using a spiritual crutch like so many others, I built an impenetrable fortress around my heart. A Chinese wall that wouldn’t allow my guard to fall, my time as an Infantryman solidified and codified these self protectionist modalities. They protected me and allowed me to push myself through physical and mental obstacles I encountered (but this is a tale for another time)

With my emotional intelligence and empathy severely lacking somewhat I happened across the Changa which was a kind gift by a good friend. My knowledge of DMT was limited to Netflix and Joe Rogan’ s monologues on the effects of 5Meo-Dmt. I was intrigued and had some previous experience micro-dosing LSD as a therapy for random bouts of PTSD which was very successful in hitting the reset button of life. But this was something else…the history and evidential experiments conducted in the seminal movie “the spirit molecule” scared and enthralled me. With this in mind I quieted my
always chaotic mind and loaded up a hash pipe with a small heap of Changa

With a cynical mind I inhaled the foul plastic odour and held my breath counting 30 seconds I exhaled. Feeling giddy I looked out of my window, an overcast Irish sky greeted my vision.
Then…the Ivy which clings to my high garden wall started to dance as if by a hidden swaying tune. Filaments of rainbow edged light burned from the tips of the Ivy tendrils as a rising feeling deep within my chest cavity greeted the visual display. Remarkably similar to Acid I thought aloud..
I recalled a conversation with my friend ” close your eyes and enjoy your journey” he had advised

As I lay back in my bed and closed my eyes everything changed… “Now you will see through my eyes” a disembodied voice communicated to me from within..none of these descriptions can even come remotely close to this awe-inspiring adventure, I can only hope in vain that the reader will draw any resemblance to the actual occurrence.
Deep beyond my physical body I felt a loving kindness radiate throughout my being. I felt no body but only light as if I were made of stars. The warmth continued to consume me from the inside clearing pathways for more light to enter

Closed eye visuals were beautiful and intense swirling fractals of magenta kaleidoscope’s and golden geometric’s interlaced with cosmic displays of stars being born. These visions however beautiful were secondary to the overwhelming feelings that came from within and somehow at the same time external. I felt a oneness that I had never felt before, a connectedness with every single thing. Not just sentient beings but multi-dimensional layers of existence which pervades everything at once across all realms. All this within the space of 15 sweet mind-blowing minutes…then slowly and without a crash back to planet Earth, this current reality over took my senses and I was back lying on my bed astounded..

Moving into my front room I looked out of our window at my Cherry tree which was just losing the last of its blossoms. I marvelled at their beauty and at the same time was utterly shocked at the pure brilliance of the revelation I had just beheld. “Well?”my wife asked “how was it?” I couldn’t respond the magnitude of the moment had taken my breath away. . “All the spiritual clichés are true” I finally replied breathing deeply and gasping for meaning “All is love and we are love, there is nothing separate from the great form” I remained at the window for sometime with a large smile on my face

The warmth in my heart remained there for days after and utterly changed my view of our place in this magical dimension. I truly believe that I had been the receiver of a special message…A message that this benevolence is behind everything, behind the universe, behind life and nature itself and that everything is and will be ok. I had a tremendous vibe of comfort and love and that this ultimate reality of the entirety of existence is the answer that I had searched for my entire life. Death is just the beginning…I am no longer afraid because I have seen what lay beyond this life and it is simply beyond human comprehension